I searched even deeper and suddenly hit the core of my ambivalence. It was about me. The identity named S. In exchange for the spiritual identity, I would be losing the S. I'd known for over 40 years.
The desire/resist was more pronounced than anything I've felt to this moment. In the PICHP that followed I expanded those two identities more fully and completely than anything else I've done. S.: her memories, pains, desires, hopes, anguish and millions of photographs of the past, fully expanded...in another moment... would dissolve.
An S. had died, a new spirit realized.
In the expanded, quiet and knowing moments that followed, I felt a tear on my cheek and remembered that a baby cries after its birth.
S. P.-D.-USA-08