and insights we are receiving from our students.
Avatar Integrity Course
Thank you for this more than wonderful course. I am grateful to you, and to myself, for this chance and possibility to integrate without punishment, with safety, and with appreciation.
I'm sad to leave this space, but be sure I've connected with you and I look forward to Wizards 2010.
I wanted to thank you for the kindness and care I felt from you, Avra, last week around my mother's condition. She peacefully passed on Sunday morning while I was sitting in the AI Global Vision Meeting outside the Marriott. She is free and truly back to her expansive self, her Source Beingness. I am grateful for her release from her creation.
Since being home in New Hampshire, my time with family, friends, long time friends of the family, her nurses at the nursing home, the family priest, and friends in the network has been nothing less than sacred connection. My Mom was loved and cherished. The funeral is Thursday and we will be together for the weekend, it has been 10 years (my dad's funeral) since we have all been together.
What I learned from the integrity work last week and continue to experience now in relation with family about the virtues of respect and gratitude is worth its weight in gold. And it is how my mother my raised my brothers and I to be, respectful and grateful. I feel an opening, another crack in consciousness, a softening of the veneer and am looking forward to creating in this new space with more open-heartedness and joy.
For the gift of Avatar you have given us, Harry, and the guidance you share Avra,
I am grateful,
I explored a core creation last week at the Integrity Course and I realize that an EJP I wrote to you at Wizards this year was incomplete. I now see how I have been using a persistent identity, "something is wrong with me" as justification to attack others for power and control and to be right. As I was dismantling this creation I realized how I was using Avatar to make others wrong. I also now see how I use the drama around this creation to sabotage myself and how I bring others, including my team mates down. I saw very clearly how I was adding to the pain and suffering in the world. This drama is definitely not in alignment with creating an EPC.
I am very sorry, especially for how I was profaning the Avatar Materials by using them to put others down to make myself feel superior as an Avatar Master.
As amends I want to make up for the damage I have caused by committing to creating a reverent connection with others to inspire at least one person to do Avatar and to send them to the Minneapolis course as a gift to the course.
In realigning with my intuition I have created the primary "I do whatever it takes to stay connected and aligned with the Star's Edge team, contributing to my fullest potential to create an EPC." I feel ready for the next level of learning and service to others and as my next step I have an intention to move into the Jr. AI domain as soon as possible. My intention is to commit to the success of others through all levels toward the goal of working to create an EPC.
Thank you for creating and holding the space for me to continue my awakening.
I so enjoy seeing you at the Master's Course, whether you come to speak or come for licensing day, to feel you and feel your appreciation.
I would like to share this moment in time with you.
I drove home to Taos, NM this afternoon from the Albuquerque airport, returning from Integrity and into the most amazing storm. I saw a wall of black clouds up north when I left Albuquerque and thought, oh good, Taos is getting some weather! As I drove north from Santa Fe, a deluge of hail began drowning out the music in the car, splattering golfball size splatz onto the windshield, changing quickly to rain, that seemed to be poured from someone(s) up above in buckets, sheets, walls of water filling the storm-drains, contained only by the curbs of the streets, lightning flashing from floor to ceiling, thunder resounding from a local orchestra pit. After a few short minutes of driving in this intensity I pulled into a parking lot where I could watch the storm come through the streets of Santa Fe and also see the mountains in the distance. This was a movie not to be missed. 20 minutes later, as time passes, I could see and feel beyond the storm a curtain of blue sky pressing the clouds through Santa Fe southward toward Albuquerque.
I sat there in awe as the movie ended, got back on the road to Taos, roads wet, the air fresh and cool with the smell of sage. A smudging had occurred..................
A few moments later I started laughing, no really laughing. This storm was much like the past week of my life, except I believe that nature always has a good intention, not so with me, depends upon the mood or mode I'm in. On the Integrity Course, I saw and felt some things that were very dramatic. Dramas created out of some very weird identities that I had long since dis-owned. And upon closer inspection via the Forgiveness Option, found that in fact it was my Identity, I had created it, in a moment when I was in a some mode of consciousness that felt justified in seeking revenge from something I had projected! And I had created the subsequent victim drama to cover it up. And I took others down in the process of covering it up. And continued to attack and make other wrong with judgment, pretend to be nice to pull the wool over people, create conflict, abandon people and then do it all over again.
Avra had us examine patterns of using the self-deception of....... I chose using the self-deception of entitlement rather than create students and in it John helped me with a pattern I saw on the last course in Minneapolis. How I had an agenda to take others down, using the tactic of ‘If I can't win, no one wins". And I created failure to justify using the pattern. I took some time to feel it and see it and by the time I did a walk for atonement on it, could feel the whole setup. I felt such remorse for what I had done. When I did the walk what came up and what I felt were all the sexual transgressions and abuses of power in my past. I have spent a great deal of my life single and alone, and those relationships I did have were ‘stormy' to say the least. I see why.
We are amazing creators and I can feel now that the attention bound up in preserving that creation is immense not unlike the power of that storm. I can feel now to care, treasure, love precious humanity. Now with a few good Primaries everyday after Source List. I can put that creative energy to work, contributing more, much more to an EPC.
Here are a few of the primaries I created yesterday and today to set a new course...........
I open the gates and rejoice in the flow of connection
I connect with and bring 3 full students who are ready to awaken on the June International Course.
I integrate my creations and align my life to contribute to the creation of an Enlightened Planetary Civilization.
I care for what is precious.
I align my life to live with an amazing Avatar partner.
Thank you Harry for these tools and your model of love, compassion, intention, appreciation and all the virtues you hold with sacred reverence for humanity. See you soon. Be with you now.
Feels like another kind of smudging has occurred.
With love and appreciation,