and insights we are receiving from our students.
Avatar in Life
In spite of having been to Wizards in 2007, Pro in 2004, Masters twice, I still hadn't been able to shake off a deep sense of low self esteem. I guess I expected to be totally healed by now after years of psychotherapy & trainings, & courses over the last 15 years, including voice dialogue, inner child, crisis counselling, shame reduction therapy, etc. I have found only some of that lastingly and deeply transforming...psychodrama and Avatar. And then there's more....
A lot has happened since being back from Wizards and then completing my first internship in Sydney, which was very humbling and transforming. More and more I realize I have some tools that I can use to effect change and it is in my hands.
One of my favourite exercises is the transparent beliefs. I actually hadn't really noticed how powerful it was until I did a few Intro's for friends and saw firsthand the profound effect of this exercise, as well as following up on these friends a few days later to hear of their experiences since doing the exercise. I am now an avid fan of Transparent beliefs. Yesterday I went for the jugular as to why I still felt such low self esteem. Some of what came up was known, and some was surprising but I still didn't feel like I got "it". I had to finish up so didn't really get to resolution.
I attended a massage course today and had such a profound experience it was no coincidence. There was a woman there I didn't know. I recognized her surname and intended to meet her by the end of the day. After lunch, I was late back and then ended up sitting next to her and then we had to partner up. I began to ask her if she was related to a Julie who lived in Brisbane, was divorced from a guy called David and had boys. The woman said yes, and that she was Davids niece. Also said that Julie had passed on from cancer 5-6 years earlier. I told this woman that Julie had been my mothers best friend.
As we are sitting there listening to the class, I started to hear this voice in my head screaming " It's not true,it's not true". In between classroom stuff and the voice, I started to have a memory of Julie.
I spent the first four years of my life in Brisbane and almost the only thing I remember about Jules, was that she would look at me in the eye, pull down my bottom eyelids and say to me " Kirstie you have the devil in your eye".
Whenever we saw each other after that I would run up to her and pull down my eyelids and say I had the devil in my eye. It just seemed like innocent fun at the time and no one stopped it.
Just as class was winding up, my partner was giving me some colour therapy and I started to feel really distressed and I just couldn't stop sobbing for some time about this memory and the realizations I was having. I also was amazed at this seemingly coincidental meeting with this woman. I had no idea of the impact that "belief" has had for 45 years of my life and felt a lot of grief about that. I have suffered depression, anxiety & panic attacks, suicidality, since very young ( my mother told me I'd first started showing signs of depression since age 4, but did nothing about it) and have so often felt not quite right, as though there was something really wrong with me, and that I was really bad. And so now I fully can appreciate and understand why I have felt the way I have all my life. So much falls into its place. I felt quite a mixture of emotions and thoughts, as well as compassion and understanding for Julie. What an enlightening experience that was and so out of the blue. I feel very grateful.
Today I have come to know that I am . a good,loving, beautiful and kind person.
I really feel that doing Avatar has given me the emotional stability to process deep feelings and emotions and stay in my body. It felt so good to feel all the feelings of grief, compassion, understanding of that memory. It is an empowering experience to feel deeply and to have awareness at the same time.
The simplicity and profundity of these tools continues to amaze me. I am very hooked.
Thank you Harry for your love, your honour of us all. May we all believe that we can be that great too!
I was working on my primary to create students for the very next Avatar Course in Santa Fe, New Mexico when I allowed myself to really look beyond my obvious secondaries like, money creations, memorizing the rundowns (because I'm legally blind), etc..
And I realized I've wanted to say, thank you Harry for the materials and the tools and for the living examples of how an EPC is done; and most incredible for me is the tireless, selfless support I've received from the very moment I decided to do ReSurfacing in October 2006.
In my searching, I was lead to the Avatar Course but, I thought I was only to take a brief look and get back to it maybe later. Well, "...the rest as they say is hysterical"! I went right through to Wizards and completed my first internship with two (2) students just last month. (Whew!)
For many reasons and I'll name one, I don't ever have to give up on myself, I am grateful for the opportunity to apply the tools and experience the shift in perspective all through my life.
OK, getting back to looking beyond my immediate secondaries-- I've know for a very long time that the chance for change for my African American community would have to come by way of a Spiritual program. No doubt! Avatar is sooo capable in what it offers. So what are my secondaries? Well where are all the African people? And what's happened over the past twenty (20) years? Harry suspicion is high among many in my community. And also there's great concern for joining a community that doesn't seem to acknowledge or appreciate the many Spiritual contributions made by people of color in the world
In light of all this I really know the world needs a shift and I want to be a part of a consciousness that is bringing a Program to share with my culture that when embraced and used can facilitate great healing in the Universe on the way back to enlightenment of all peoples.
I have a deep sense of great possibility in my community; so I would love to get your perspective.
Well Harry, I've enjoyed my time with you, take good care of your animal (I really like saying that phrase ;) and I'll write again soon. I believe I'm a much better talker than I am a writer, so I'll look forward to also talking with you about some of these concerns someday soon.
Let me give you a bit of background so perhaps this letter of great and deep gratitude will ring and resonate in you especially amidst the collective chorus singing gratias agimus tibi.
I am a type III kind of a guy. I know and love math and science. I need facts, proof. "Trust me" doesn't cut it.
I am a man of high standards. My friends have at times kidded by with the name "el exigente" (the demanding one).
I have been to seminars (often on scholarship) including several of the most enlightened people of our times but Avatar was in a class by itself.
I loved your daily videos. The intelligence. The wordsmithyness. The philosophical underpinnings. The wisdom. The playfulness. The humor ("How many of you know Plato's classical allegory of the cave? (very few hands) It used to be a lot more classical than that.") Those 20 minutes a day often gave me as many notes as the whole rest of the day.
For me the Avatar Course was a cross between applied Aristotle and developed Descartes. I have long since embraced Aristotle's emphasis on the potential rather than the actual (provable past and present evidence). I had written about truth being a series of beliefs about the future that will eventually create an actual present in the future. Developed Descartes: Avatar is a development of Descartes': "I think, therefore I am." translated from the philosophical realm to the emotional and worldly realms. Descartes paraphrased in a powerful state: "I am source." Descartes paraphrased into "I think, therefore it exists."
As a teacher, one of my main lessons to students is "think for yourself." As a proud ACLU supporter I can smell repressions of individual beliefs and indoctrination in parts per million. My experience in the Avatar Course left no doubt that the charge that Avatar indoctrinates is vacuous; Avatar cultivates exploration of beliefs and personal authenticity of belief.
As a child of the 60's I loved the style and content of your peregrinations in "Living Deliberately." You also reminded me in style of my best friend from that time who left us 18 years ago but has a continuation for me now in you.
The theme of "platitudes" made real was endemic to the Avatar Course. So many other groups mouth pretty ideas and self praise, but Avatar makes it stick. And what makes it more amazing is that the things people discovered and taught in the last 20 years, you said in l986!!
The Avatar Course was nothing short of miraculous.
At the Avatar Course I had a feeling of "welcome home" to the me before all the nonsense, the traumas.
The Avatar Course feIt was like falling in love with life and the Avatar community.
I am a classical pianist and heard the Beethoven sixth and ninth in the air. I confess to doing a few feel-its from the point of view of the Beethoven fourth concerto or even the Pal Joey song, "All I need now is the girl." One exercise changed the tempos of everything and brought out the slow, peaceful and tranquil Mahler fourth symphony's third movement. The early exercises on attention and perception were a gold mine for piano practice and concert preparation. I heard Gershwin paraphrased: "I got the Avatar Course, who could ask for anything more?"
There is hardnosed wizardry in the Avatar Course. Transformation. Magic. Real healing in the twinkling of an eye (after some work in a process.)
(Wow)^n (to the nth power) for the Avatar Course.>
May you basque in the glory and may the wondrousness you have given me and thousands of others rain upon you now, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...
P.S. Of course hundreds of others in Avatar deserve great thanks too: Avra, John, George, QMs, Masters and the "Third Estate" that makes it run. I would like to bring to your attention a star in the galaxy of Avatar: Tammy, my super-gifted, and inspiring Master!!
I was driving my daughter to school, and as usual we had left at the last possible second to be on time. I have two school zones to go through on the way to her school. Today I was rushing a bit (and it's not the first time, though generally I am really careful in the school zones) and as we were rolling along singing "Oh what a beautiful morning!" (Yes, from "Oklahoma!") I saw a motorcycle police officer, saw him see me, and my song changed abruptly to, "Oh, shit. I think I'm about to get a ticket."
Sure enough. I won't bore you with too many details of how I couldn't find my insurance papers, etc. He wrote me up a citation for speeding in a school zone. Now I knew I had speeding just as he said. But part of me, underneath my civil attitude (alternating contrition with trying to entice him with a chilled out attitude, or some such bogus manipulation), was feeling like '*I* should be able to get out of this!'
I explained to him what an exemplary citizen I am blah blah, and asked him please to just give me a warning. He said it was too serious of an infraction. He told me that he was writing it for 30 in a 20, though I had been going 32. I thanked him, but it wasn't until I looked at the fee schedule that I realized he had saved me $40. Unfortunately at that same moment I also realized I was going to owe $194, and that overrode my appreciation. I choked up and said goodbye, still thinking in some corner of my mind, 'Let him notice I'm a nice woman with a rather old car and a cute kid, all innocent and sweet...'
When I got back in my car I was crying, and saying some choice four-letter words. I carried on for a minute or so feeling sorry for myself. Gemma very sweetly offered me $10 from her purse. I pulled myself together and let her know that it was totally my fault, that I had been doing the infraction, and that it was okay. I took responsibility for my emotional outburst and the incident from a grown-up mom identity. However, I was still feeling pretty cranky about it after I dropped her off at school five minutes later.
I felt myself wanting to call friends, who had gotten tickets and such: the temptation to commiserate, seek bemused sympathy, or whatever. And then I thought, what would that do? So I decided to use an exercise, the source list, from the Avatar course to process my feelings about the event with the intention to be able to move forward in present time through my day with out resentment or grumpiness. Well, I got that and more, within minutes of starting the exercise!
I had been doing it for a few minutes, waiting in a long line of traffic in the 2-mile construction zone that is MLK Blvd currently. Suddenly a silver car pulled out from behind me and sped past me, two other cars and two huge trucks in the intersection. I thought to myself, "Sure, and where are the cops when that happens? Why do bad things always happen to ME?"
I realized immediately that I had in effect wished ill fortune on another person, who I knew absolutely nothing about, and that that didn't feel good. In a flash I realized that it was another form of commiseration, another pattern I have been working to shift in my consciousness. The time lapse between having the initial thought, and feeling what it was, was so short that I knew I am making progress.
Two seconds later an unmarked sheriff's car pulled out and began chasing the silver car, with lights flashing.
All at once my perspective totally shifted. I started laughing and was very widened back from the whole scene. I was relieved that I had noticed my desire for another to experience failure BEFORE the cop pulled out after him. I felt the kindred ness with others, including the police, not in commiseration, but in a "just like me" kind of way, like in the compassion exercise. It was a great feeling and a little hard to translate into words.
I continued my exercise as the traffic paced forward. Realizations compounded. I went from feeling sorry for myself to realizing how far I have come in my spiritual growth. I felt that though I had had a few thoughts, I had not gone to the place in my psyche that I have lived in so much in my life of feeling chagrined that others don't recognize my 'special case'. All at once the charge was off and I realized that hey, I chose to drive a car, there are certain rules, I broke them and I got caught. Shrug, smile.
Then I felt gratitude for the policeman for treating me well during our interaction. I felt how serious I had been, and how I had tried to manipulate him. I regretted not just enjoying the interaction I had created by my actions in the game of life. I had passed by a chance to connect with another being by not being willing to see past his costume. 'More work on authority'-- note to self.
Then I felt gratitude for the entire incident. The $194 seemed a small price to pay for the freedom I was feeling. I saw, in a microcosm of an Akashic record, how many, many incidents and creations of mine led up to this happening. I saw the inertia of things in my life, the momentum in a certain direction, and the choice to hang this up as a bummer or to hold the powerful intention, "I can't wait to see the good that will come of this."
I finished the exercise before I had reached the spot where the incident happened, and passed by the landmark with a soaring feeling of appreciation, humility, and cheerful high spirits. Without having this Avatar exercise in my handy, portable toolkit, I would have probably been faced with a day of feeling minorly hard-done by, alternating between trying to talk myself into finding the positive side and criticizing myself for being careless. As it is, it's 10 am, and I am feeling a day of expansion and growth ahead! What next?