and insights we are receiving from our students.
Avatar in Life
I would like to congratulate you for having all this courage to go all the way...in creating a really big primary, inspire so many others to awaken to the possibility of an EPC and do whatever it takes to make it happen.
THANK YOU so much
With a lot of love and gratitude
Today I had the opportunity to deliver the Belief Management Mini Course to my eldest son and husband. This is the first of several miracles for which I am eternally grateful. Well let's just say this is not the first time I offered to share the Avatar Materials with them.
We missed Thanksgiving together this year and only occasionally meet in the same room for birthdays or holidays. But we were together as a family today for a purpose, to come to terms with an unpleasant event that occurred on Mother's Day in May 2006. After a late movie his friends at the local theatre with, my son returned to his apartment near the university campus. He stepped out of his car into two loaded pistols pointed directly at his head. He relinquished to the gunmen's demands and fully cooperated, fearing for his last breath on this earth. The intruders had him lie supine, drove him around, roughed him up, and asked him to finish a string of stupid riddles under the threat, "Get it right or I'll shoot." After he was tormented, slapped with the pistol, and robbed of $300 from his ATM, he was dropped off in an abandoned driveway. He gathered the courage to escape. The remainder of the evening was spent telling his story to the local police.
I am grateful he is alive to tell.
The trial began this Monday, one and one half years later. Today was Marc's day to testify. We gathered at his apartment awaiting the District Attorney's call. We made small talk about computers, my husband changed the dusty air conditioning filter, and we discussed a small business venture that we might collaborate on using Marc's art designs/logos. I encouraged him to contact his silk screeners and start the process of building their partnership.
Since the weather was a perfectly cool, sunny and dry 68 degrees, I ventured out onto the small patio backyard where I set out the BM mini course booklets on a table covered in spray paint. The guys found paper and pens and we began exploring our beliefs about the topic chosen by them, "making money." I relaxed into my best serious drill and reveled in the moment... the hour.
Before long, the DA called us to the 6th floor of the downtown courthouse. We used the driving time to deliberately move our beliefs up and down the conviction scale. We entered the great abyss of not knowing, as a team of curious explorers. Our inexperience in courtroom drama was highly evident.
But anxiety crept into my consciousness as the assistant DA met us in the lobby, giving instructions not to speak to the family of the accused who were sitting across from us. The wooden bench seating reminded me of church pews so I looked for the reverence in the moment. We continued with light conversation until I asked Marc if he wanted to try the Transparent Belief Exercise. We experimented with a few rounds but I was unable to hold the space, so I began Compassion Ex instead_ on the judge, the jury, the attorneys, the other victims and their families, and on the accused and his family.
The DA approached to warn us that we would be called in next. Although he was a near perfect match for my son with his demeanor, quiet voice, and calm approach, I saw tears of fear in Marc's eyes as he trembled with anticipation. My guardian parent identity emerged to justify my own tears, so I walked over to the window to gaze upon the historic Mississippi River where great stories of power and struggle and victory occurred along the banks.
I decided to call a Master that I worked with last week at Integrity Course, excused myself through the metal detectors and proceeded to the ladies room where she coached me on the primary, "I am fully present and supportive." I quickly shifted and returned to the lobby in great spirits, honored to have loving, supportive friends. We entered the court together, three as one, myself in my best serious drill. Marc's testimony was clear, succinct and greatly added credibility to the case. I lingered there for a while longer, waiting for news of the next step while experiencing a sigh of relief. My gaze fixed. Along the wall stood a young woman with her family, the apparent rape survivor who had flown in from California to testify. I reflected on my own inner rage and aggression now quietly replaced with compassion and forgiveness. I wanted to reach over and take away their pain. I am once again eternally grateful for the inner peace I continue to discover as a result of doing the Avatar work.
Our family departed the state building walking side by side, our step a lot lighter. We decided to drop in on the burrito restaurant where our youngest son grilled meats and vegetables. He joined us in our meal of thanksgiving.
I sit in gratitude for the revelation of Marc's three beliefs about our family, and challenge myself to live up to that viewpoint as I continue to redefine my role personal relationships. He wrote earlier today, "My family is always there for me; my family is supportive; and my family is the people I am closest to." And concluded they were all helpful beliefs.
I reach up to touch the space above me. It is there in that space where I connect to, as well as separate from, my Avatar sanga. I am grateful for this knowing and for all the trainers who patiently remind me of that grace we all share when we have the courage to feel, to forgive and live deliberately.
They are "anxiety and depression", and "asthma".
There were a number of times since I did Avatar that I thought I was finally done with the first, and then it would hit me from left field ... finally I realized that most of my attention had been focussed on wanting to be done with it, rather than really experiencing and integrating it. My mum was hospitalized and medicated for it throughout my childhood and one of my sisters has been on a Disability Pension for it for years. And I was busy "proving" that I wasn't like them!! Well, finally, in the middle of this year, I realized that this was actually a Persistent Identity of MINE, and so I decided to do the PI Rundown on it.
Wow!!!! It took me a number of hours over a few days ... I was doing it on my own and I wanted to be real and fully feel every bit of it ... the most amazing thing was that I got to fully feel all the desire around it for the first time. I had many, many realizations and by the end felt so free.
So that was over 4 months ago, and so far so good. I am now so much more willing to feel and own all of my creations, rather than descend into depression to avoid feeling and owning anything. Everything is different now.
The other creation, asthma, has been similar in that it always seemed to come out of left field. I thought I'd handled it about 12 years ago, when I was doing a lot of Vispassana meditation and Chi Kung ... the asthma went and I started to feel some stuff I didn't want to feel and went down the rabbit hole (into depression) ... so I figured that it was a resistance to feeling.
In the past few years it has been on and off - I have carried a Ventolin inhaler around just in case but rarely used it. Except for last year, for a few months before Sept Integrity, and then again this year, for the past few months, on and off.
So my response has usually been to grab the Ventolin and have a puff and get on with things, but yesterday morning when I started to feel wheezy while walking on the beach, I decided it was time to use the tools. I realized that I had been viewing it as something that happened to me, rather than as my creation ... with this shift in viewpoint I felt ready to start feeling and exploring it.
I started with Inside/Outside Feel-its and began to feel a deep sadness, and a thought came up ... "the sadness of the world". I kept feeling it and it eased.
Then I was creating "I'm happy to be me" and I started to wheeze again ... I decided to CHP it ... well that CHP turned into a Persistent Mass rundown ... and the core creation was the belief "Everyone's sad and I can't stop it". This was created in my childhood ... I used to go and bury my head in books and go into fantasy land to not feel any of it, mine or theirs. And continued those habits into adulthood.
Wow, it was incredible to just be able to feel that belief and then discreate it.
So that was yesterday morning. This morning I was feeling upset about a conversation I had last night with a new Master ... I started feeling wheezy and so I just let myself feel the sadness, and I was able to get some ownership, then I felt wheezy again and I felt angry and realized I was angry at myself for what I'd done, so I felt that and did a Walk on Secrets and then I was able to breathe easily and feel how to re-connect, which I have done.
It's now 48 hours since I have had any Ventolin - lately I've been using it about twice a day.
This is HUGE for me Harry, with both creations.
I am flying to Orlando tomorrow for Integrity. My last US Integrity course was September 2006.
I was in a very different place then to where I am now (sometimes I look back and wonder how on earth I could have been on the AI team back then with all the drama I was creating!) (Shona has the patience, compassion and faith of a saint!)
And of course all of this integration means I am so much more able to get my attention out and support others ...
So, "It's Getting Better", YES!!
Harry, to say "Thank You" is inadequate.
So my primary for the next Avatar course is "In gratitude to Harry and the Sangha, I will bring 6 new students to the next Melbourne course". And I know you would prefer that to my saying "Thank You" a million times.
With love, and gratitude, Lizzy
I am constantly and pleasantly surprised at the magical powers of your tools.
There are times when I can go into "resistance"-sometimes it just feels like a habit. Today we did some phone drilling and I must admit that I was a bit skeptical about it. But within an hour of the drill, I rang a friend who was so open and receptive to listening about Avatar. She is looking to clear her weekend to do ReSurfacing.
Previously this prospect was quite negative, even printing the rubbish from the internet to warn me of the dangers of Avatar.
Thank you Harry so much for everything.